It’s going to be great. But it’ll take some time.

For those of you who read this and don’t know; I am currently in Melbourne. A few months ago, I booked a one-way ticket to Melbourne, planning to stay there for a week, then go to Ballarat to do some volunteer work then go to New Zealand in December and then – who knows.
I thought this trip would be great and liberating and maybe even my little version of Eat, Pray, Love. In my little, confused head I kept comparing this trip (that I haven’t even made) to my trips to New York and Munich. New York because it’s such a big city – the biggest I had ever been to up to this point. And Munich because it helped me re-center myself. So I thought if I go to a huge city like Melbourne, the revelations about myself must also be huge.
Well, that didn’t happen.

Not to say I haven’t learned anything on this trip yet. It’s only been a week and I’ve had minor epiphanies about myself and my life. But nothing whose effects of self-recognition will ripple through the time-space continuum and make me a better, calmer and more self-loving person on the long run. Or nothing that would re-center myself right away. But then again, I am impatient.

And here’s one of the epiphanies: Let go.

(At this point I would like to apologize if some of you will hum a certain song from a certain Disney movie that features two of the most bad-ass female characters and the most hilarious and awesome snowman).

I’ve been having this expectation and idea that this trip will be this and that way. Of course expectations will lead to disappointment when they’re not met. Usually, I do try to keep an open mind and remind myself to think “Let’s see” instead of “Oh, it will be like this and that”. But for some reason, I held on to this trip very tightly. Most likely because I feel uprooted and have put behind me the most exhausting and turmoiled year so far. Within just one year a 3-year relationship ended, I finished my studies, I quit my job, I moved out of my home for 10 years and moved into Interims place #1, I met someone new, I moved from Interims place 1 to interims place 2, landed and worked on an amazing translation job, packed the rest of my stuff, lived with a friend for a week and a half and booked a one-way ticket and came to Australia. So maybe, after all this turmoil and ups-and-downs, I looked to this trip thinking “This is going to be great” because it HAD to be. What else would I be doing it for? If this trip wouldn’t fix me, nothing would, right? But that’s the thing, I am not broken. Nothing needs fixing. All the emotions that accompanied my experiences are right and just in their own way.

So, it IS going to be great, after all. It just needs some time.